Whenever I get carded, which is sorta frequently, I think, "Hooray! The eye cream is working!"
Whenever someone thinks I was a teenage mother, I rue the eye cream mercilessly.
Freak came to visit yesterday all the way from Colorado. We had a fabulous time, running around Portland, buying books at Powell's, eating pizza, then driving back to my house to hang out and play pool with Friend R. He brought me gifts: a book by Temple Grandin and The Postman Always Rings Twice on DVD, which we watched later. We had a great time.
On the way to pick up Freak at the airport, Friend One and I talked on the phone. The entire two hour trip. My ear hurts.
Also, I miss her intensely.
I am highly allergic to wasps. As in, I nearly died from multiple wasp stings a few years ago (although it is not known if I would have such a dramatic response to one sting. Maybe not?). Anyway, being the irresponsible clod that I am, I don't carry an EpiPen (Thing One has one, but it's kid-sized, for her peanut-allergy. Yes, I know. We are genetic freaks). And two weeks ago, not one, but two wasps' nest appeared on the eaves under the handrails of my back porch. And wasps kept getting caught in my laundry room. Since I am afraid to attempt to kill them and jack it up, thereby infuriating them and causing all kinds of stingingness* I have had to make the decision between stinky clothes and potential death a few times a week. So I bought some wasp-killer spray, a spray which shoots up to 22 feet, and attempted to get every one of my friends here to do the deed.
Friend Two, as the resident metrosexual, said, "Well, if you can't find anyone else I...I guess I could...I just really hate wasps, TM."
Friend R, the resident sweetheart said, "What? Oh. Well, I uhh...I'm going out to A's house to watch her chickens for...the next few weeks. But, you know, maybe when I get back."
Comic Hero (previously named Future Boy) said "I can, I suppose, but I hate wasps. I mean, if you can't find anyone else."
Might I mention that I could potentially die here? Not to wax dramatic, but really. Really.
Finally, last night, Freak said, "Oh, you have wasps. Here, give me the spray and go inside." The he killed them dead, and nary a sound was heard from them again.
So, basically, I had to get someone to fly in from Colorado to fix my wasp problem because my local boys were all a-scared of the wasps. Pfft!
Upon playing pool, I had to hear all about handjobs for the umpteenth time this week. Listen people, handjobs are not that difficult to do. Well even. Take it from someone who knows.
Pool, on the other hand, infinitely hard.
Every time I read cnn.com, my religious upbringing kicks in and I remember all the Apocolypse talk. I went to a very scary, dogmatic church when I was kid, and there was much fire and brimstone thrown around.
I was always a thorn in the Sunday school teacher's side, asking her why, for example, in Corinthians, Paul said that women couldn't be in church, but in Ephesians, he said it was fine**.
I was finally kicked out of Sunday school, and forced to attend the adult service, at the grand old age of 7. I would like to say that this is because I posed some unanswerable philosophical question but that would be false. What happened is that we were asked to draw a picture from "The End Times." Everyone took their cue accordingly and all drew some version of Jesus flying from clouds, doing some hand jive to raise the dead, etc.
I drew a picture of a city with a big mushroom cloud over it. There were people screaming and running, this I remember. When the teacher asked me why I drew such a scene, I replied, "Well, this is what you said would happen."
Even then I was a bit of an instigator.
I get really annoyed at people who say Ken Lay escaped justice. Okay people, he died. Not actually a great escape plan, okay? HE DIED! I know, he should have suffered, been convicted, all that, but can we just be a little more precise with language here? Please?
a real entry soon, I promise.
*Yes, it's a word when I use it.
**I don't know if this is exactly right with the books of the bible, but I am almost sure it is.