I live in a tiny complex that is comprised of exactly one thin row of townhouses. There are six townhouses, to be exact, and we are the last in the row. Number 6. This is good because it means we share only one wall with neighbors, while the other wall edges a quiet back yard and treed area.
It's also good because almost all of our neighbors are of the undergraduate variety. They can be loud and annoying, and certainly inconsiderate.
This, then, is a brief collection of various phrases, acronyms, and sentences my kids have heard me utter as a result of living near these people. I tend to see these as falling into one of several categories.
First, some phrases I've used to describe their lack of responsibility:
"Human crap holders"
"Waste of electricity" [in reference to their music, specifically]
Second, acronyms I use as an attempt to avoid cursing while still getting the sweet relief a good curse phrase provides [note: this does not work well]:
Third, phrases I use to describe the various male-male interactions I must bear witness to:
Fourth, sentences that allow me to express my full emotions about our neighbors:
"Fucking Christ on a Popsicle stick!""Do you know what my favorite numbers are? 9-1-1."
"I swear to God they have more incense than anyone. It's Eugene. That's saying something."
"If this clock vibrates off my wall one more time..."
"I pay for a parking space! I don't pay to be pissed when there is no parking!"
Finally, these last are sentences I have found myself saying to the kids as means of explaining previous comments:
"Yes, Chloe--beer pong is for business majors and undergraduates. Sometimes both."
"No, Ivan. Homoerotic doesn't refer to pornography. Well, in general, anyway. Or, at least when I refer to it."
"I could throw dog crap on their cars. I'm not saying it's a good idea. I'm just saying...well, do you think they'd know it was me?"
"I know I'm the only parent who lives here. Well, as far as they know. All those bros could TOTALLY be parents!"
"It's like living in a third world country here! A fucking LOUD third world country!"
"If I wanted to hear loud, drunken sex I would start dating again!"
"No, I swear that isn't really how my dates go."
"Well, when you love someone it isn't gross...."