Tonight, around the dinner table:
Thing Two: I'm worried about global warming.
Me: I am too, buddy.
Thing Two: So I've decided to give up designing computers for a living.
Me: Because they cause too much pollution?
Thing 2: No. So I can concentrate on becoming emperor of the world and then make people save the environment.
Thing Two: First, it would probably be helpful if I were immortal.
Thing Two: I'm just really tired of people in my school using the word "ghetto." Like, seriously, we're all white people who live in a white town in a white state. We shouldn't be saying that.
Thing One: Why does Ivan say "I love you" all the God dammed time?
Me: What do you mean?
Thing One: Like whenever he gets out of the car or gets off the phone. He even says it when you run to the store for ice cream!
Me: Because I told him once that people liked to hear that they were loved, and it was important to say that to each other.
Thing One: Okay, but then why does he say it all the time?
Me: He doesn't know when to say it. So he says it a lot just to make sure.
Thing One: Well...now I feel like an asshole.
Me: You know, you could fix that by saying you love me.