Austin and Everything After, Part II

So, the Xanadu was, as I was saying earlier, my legal ticket to high-dom, or so I thought.  We'd get to the airport, check our bags, eat some dinner, and I'd pop the pill.  And then when I got on the plane, I'd be serene and calm.  You know, like an actor in a herpes-drug ad.

This, however, was not what happened.  What happened was we checked our bags, ate some dinner, I popped the pill, and then I got giddy.  Silly giddy.  I giggled.  I recalled funny moments and fart jokes from seventh grade.  And my hands felt tingly.  Still, I thought, still...this is about 100 times better than panic-attack Terrible Mother.  And it was.  Until I discovered giddy panic-attack Terrible Mother, a version which should never have been released.

I was giddy at the gate, giddy in the tunnel, freaked out on the plane, and then panicky once we actually started moving.  I imagined going back to my doctor and saying "it isn't just planes I'm afraid of--it's the flying part!" as though I hadn't been specific enough, or there was some secret right answer, much like a GRE exam question.  Basically, the drug made me giddy until the plane started moving, which seems to me a major deal breaker. 

As we taxied, I breathed like a rhino in labor and gripped the seat in front of me.  Friend One rubbed my back, held my hand, but also said, at one point, "you are freaking me out, Terrible Mother.  Knock it."  Nurturing on an Airplane should never be on Friend One's Curriculum Vitae, that's for damn sure.

Five minutes after we were in the air, and I started breathing like a human again, I popped a second pill.  Fifteen minutes later, I was out like a light, and slept for three hours.  This, I think, is what I need: the Mr. T. approach to flying.

*terrible mother

and yes, to be continued freaklikeme. 

Also, I had to meet not only the sister and brother-in-law, but another sister and brother-in-law, grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins--a whole slew of people.  But it went well, I think.  I hope.

 

Comments

[Isabel]

Sleeping through a flight is a good thing.

[some effin dude]

that's a lot of fake names with which to come up, and i for one do not believe that you have it in you.

[freaklikewho?]

Oh, she's got it in her. She's like Sawyer with the occassionally witty, but likey obvious fake names.
Still not much of a cliffhanger, by the by.

[iliketodancewithshovels]

i suppose i am not the expert on the contents of tm that you are, and so i remain in doubt as to whether so many people can reasonably be given nicknames. i mean... this is a girl who listens to ryan adams.

[Terrible Mother]

I see how it is. Turn on me in my darkest hour. MY THESIS IS DUE IN LESS THAN 7 HOURS!

[thatguyagain]

i turned on you long ago. i'm glad you're not t-minusing anymore.

i mean your.

[Terrible Mother]

That's it all of you! I'm not writing a review of my Ryan Adams Concert Experience.

[freaklikeME]

You say this as though your witholding that information is a punishment, but I'd hate to live in a world where it actually was a punishment.

[thatguy]

i think you mean "both of you."

i mean your.