Raccoons, and Fire, and Bears, Oh My!

(A conversation with This One Guy)

This One Guy says:  Smokey the bear laughs at fire

Terrible Mother says:  he does?  I think you are lying.

This One Guy says:  He's Like, "fire?"  I'll show you fire.

Terrible Mother says:  are you saying that he could start a fire?

This One Guy says:  Well.. duh

Terrible Mother says:  he lacks opposable thumbs

This One Guy says:  Then explain the shovel

(long pause)

Terrible Mother says:  fuck

This One Guy says:  Look, just because he's only got 4 fingers...

Terrible Mother says:  maybe it's a special shovel.

This One Guy says:  Yeah, for a special bear...that FREAKING TALKS!

Terrible Mother says:  I mean, it's hard to light matches.  And he could never get past a lighter.

This One Guy says:  you just light the squirrels up and send them into the woods

Terrible Mother says:  squirrels?  What about the raccoons?  Now, see, if you told me about a Smokey

the Raccoon starting fires, then I'd believe you.  Because not only are raccoons smart, they are devious, back-stabbing mofos.

This One Guy says:  And stupid.

Terrible Mother says:  They are not stupid!  How can you say they are stupid?

This One Guy says:  I've faced up to a few, and they always try to be big...and lose

Terrible Mother says:  okay, but are you saying they are stupider than a bear? 

This One Guy says:  bears are pretty smart

Terrible Mother says:  you know what you are? 

This One Guy says:  A bear lover?

Terrible Mother says:  You are a raccoonist.  You secretly harbor prejudice against raccoons.

This One Guy says:  yes.. I do hate them.. I think we should segregate them from society.  Okay, here.  Secret?

Terrible Mother says:  secret.

This One Guy says:  Crap!  The kids are fighting . I'll be right back. 

Terrible Mother says:  You know this means I win now.  You officially lost.  It's the kid rule.

This One Guy says:  not really.

*tm

Comments

[thatguy]

i don't know. yogi's pretty stupid and he's smarter than the average bear.

i call shenanigans.

[This One Guy]

Boo Boo was smarter than yogi, just had no self confidence. Racoons act like bears when challenged, but dont have the weight to back it up. :)