Listen Here

Thanksgiving afternoon, whilst cooking turkey and whatnot, I had a cell phone conversation that went something like this:

Friend Omega: I have a question for you.

Terrible Mother: Okay, shoot.

Friend Omega: How do you make fabric stiff? And don't say starch. That won't work.

Terrible Mother: I don't know. How stiff do you need it?

Friend Omega: Pretty stiff.

Terrible Mother: How big is it?

Friend Omega: Pretty big. Four feet by ten feet or something. And a person has to go in it.

Terrible Mother: Jesus Christ, Omega. What the hell are you building?

[It is at this point that Rock 'n' Roll History Scholar and Friend R realize that this is not a conversation about food.]

Friend Omega: I can't tell you.

Terrible Mother: Christ. Okay. Christ. Lemme think.

Friend Omega: We really need your help.

Terrible Mother: Okay, what kind of fabric is it?

Friend Omega: polyester.

Terrible Mother: And how long do you need it to last?

Friend Omega: About a month.

Terrible Mother: Jesus! It would be so much easier if it were cotton and you only needed it to last a few hours.

Friend Omega: We called you because you're the only housewife we know. Or sorta housewife.

Terrible Mother: I hate you.

Friend Omega: What! Isn't this what they teach you in Home Ec.?

Terrible Mother: How to field holiday calls from aspiring filmmakers building sets and needing to make some aspect of said set without fully explaining it? Yes, Omega. That was my entire eighth grade year.

We talked for a little while, and I gave him a few ideas. I hope the ideas worked, though I was worried about them. And the rest of my crew and I laughed a little over the call, which ended with me saying "Happy Thanksgiving, " and Omega sighing, dramatically, saying, "Yes, Happy Genocide Rememberence Day to you too." But then yesterday, Omega posted a great entry on his blog called "Projects." I can relate, can relate so well. As the person who recently sent off writing samples to a dating website, hoping to be their newest columnist and Q&A girl, I can relate.

So, Omega, Happy Set Building Day. And Happy Moviemaking. I hope it all went well.

*tm

Comments

[Kari]

True, my phone call was not that exciting. But would a small asterisk item at the bottom of this entry NOTING EVERYONE WHO CALLED YOU AND WISHED YOU THANKSGIVING have been out of place? I think not. Not that I'm jealous that G makes better holiday phone calls than me, or anything.

Also he is posting again!? Awesome.

Also, stiff polyester? Are you KIDDING me?

[Friend Omega]

It worked marvelously - and we strengthened it with decoupage. Now we have a beautiful, functional Kool-Aid Man suit that retains its shape even after being punched. It's terrific.

And I did not say "or sort of housewife." It really takes the air out of my jab.

That said... did you just use the word "whilst"? Motherfuck.