Last night, Friend Omega and I had a conversation about the Tooth Fairy. You can read his version here. And then read mine:
Terrible Mother: Thing Three lost a tooth today.
Omega: Yeah?
Terrible Mother: Yeah. So she was all excited about the Tooth Fairy.
Omega: Oh God. Tell me you don't do the Tooth Fairy thing.
Terrible Mother: Of course I do. Why?
Omega: You tell her that some mutant fairy breaks into her room and steals her body parts? It's awful.
Terrible Mother: Body parts? It's just a tooth!
Omega: What, does she hang out at the leper colony after hours?
Terrible Mother: Do they even still have leper colonies? Who has leper colonies any more?
Omega: It's disgusting, TM. I mean, where did this story even come from?
Terrible Mother: When Thing One was little, she asked me what the Tooth Fairy did with the teeth. And I was a little caught off guard, so I made something up.
Omega: What did you say?
Terrible Mother: I said she built her house with them.
Omega: THAT'S HORRIBLE!
Terrible Mother: What was I supposed to say? I made up more about it. How she used the canines for fence posts.
Omega: This is awful. Some fairy thing is going to break into my house* and steal my body parts. And how do you even assign monetary value to the tooth? Do you set a market price with other parents? Do you have to check with Billy's dad to see if he gets a dollar a molar?
Terrible Mother: My kids all get a dollar a tooth.
Omega: A dollar a tooth! That's insane!
Terrible Mother: Inflation, Omega. Inflation.
Omega: If my parents had given me a dollar a tooth, I'd have knocked out all my teeth!
Terrible Mother: That's because you have to over do everything.
Omega: A dollar a tooth! I might just do it right now to see what happens.
*tm
*Omega was really upset by the breaking and entering part of the equation, for some reason.
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