Conversations I've Recently Had, All of Which Ended with Me Saying "Motherfuck"

Tim-Tim and me after a Saturday night of cooking, child-wrangling and bribery (as it pertained to getting the Things to eat eggplant) together:

Me: That was a lot of work. Thanks for helping me with the dishes.

Tim-Tim: You're welcome. But yeah, the Things were a little wound up tonight.

Me: One thing's for sure. I'm never introducing them to any man I'm dating until I have a ring on my finger.

Tim-Tim: Well, you should probably super-glue it on first.

******

IM'ing with Fort Awesome:

Me: Way Too Bashful to be a Republican told me to tell you hi. He's a sweet guy.

Fort Awesome: Who voted for Bush twice.

Me: Nobody's perfect, Fort Awesome.

Fort Awesome: Right. Did you know Hitler was great with animals and small children?

Me: I hate when you say that. Anyway, I have poet gossip.

Fort Awesome: You do?

Me: Yeah. I heard that This Famous Poet likes to get it on in a specific bathroom in a specific fast food restaurant in a specific city. Isn't that gross?

Fort Awesome: Nobody's perfect, TM.

*****

Friend Omega: I have my first Obama campaign meeting tonight.

Me: Cool. I'd love to work with him.

Friend Omega: Hey, if I get hired to Obama's White House, will you be the Donna to my Josh?

Me: I would be the Donna to your Josh.

Friend Omega: But not annoying like Donna.

Me: What? But I want to be annoying like Donna. Will you do that thing that Josh does, where he pretends to get flustered?

Friend Omega: I don't pretend. I actually get flustered.

Me: Can you make it cute?

Friend Omega: No. And anyway, my boss won't make the stupid bank deposit. Call him and say something, would you?

Me: Would Donna?

Friend Omega: No. She'd have some very annoying parallel to draw about it. Like "I didn't give you the change for your sandwich because you'd spend it wrong, like you say people would do with their taxes." Stupid girl.

Me: But then why would you want me to be her? This is a very confusing scenario.

Friend Omega: I want you to fulfill her role, not to actually take on her characteristics.

Me: I see. So we would just banter for years and carry on a mostly sexless relationship for others to appreciate?

(pause)

Friend Omega: Maybe this would work better if you were the Sam to my Toby.

*tm

Comments

[Friend One]

these are brilliant moments that make me miss the mother-fuck out of you!