Miscellany: The And I Work Here? Grammar Edition

Capitalization:

Ike: Don't capitalize this title.

Me: But it's a proper noun and a title. And we've always capitalized it.

Ike: I know, but I want to call attention to the other title in the sentence, since it's more important. So capitalize that one but not this one.

Me: Capitalization doesn't work that way. And you can just reword the sentence if you want to stress one over the other, or join two phrases with a subordinating conjuntion to do it.

Ike: No one will understand that. This makes more sense, anyway.

Use of Adverbs:

Ike: You cannot end a sentence that way.

Me: Which way?

Ike: With "unanimously."

Me: What? Why?

Ike: You can't end a sentence with an adverb.

Me: Yes you can. You can end any sentence with an adverb. You're thinking of a preposition. And that's an old rule anyway.

Ike: I wasn't even talking about prepositions, but you can't end a sentence with those either. I'm talking about adverbs. You need to pay attention.

Me: Look, people end sentences with adverbs constantly.

Ike: Not correctly. And I don't want you doing it anymore*.

Use of the Past Perfect:

Ike: Why do you have all these "hads" in here?

Me: Where?

Ike: Here and here and here.

Me: It's the past perfect.

Ike: That's ridiculous. No one even knows what that is.

Me: Sure they do. It signals to the reader that the text is referring to something that happened before.

Ike: But it's already in past tense.

Me: I know, but sometimes things happen before that and you need to refer to them.

Ike: Everyone understands it happens before because of the context. You don't need to use them.

Me: Actually, you do need to use them. That's why we have them. To make it less confusing.

Ike: It's just some way for writers to make themselves feel smarter.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure it's just grammar.

*tm

*the rest of the day, I walked around saying things like "I am going to print these files....quickly," and "I have to go to the bathroom...slowly." Yes, I am that petty.

Comments

[Alana]

Just the other day I said to a friend it's frustrating, ironic, hilarious but horrific how so many of us make far less money than and take orders from those less intelligent than us.

Anyway, the average lay person, even one in a managerial position, knows next to nothing about grammar. In today's corporate environment grammar is meaningless. In fact the more muddled and confused the communication the more effective it is by political and corporate standards. You really don't want anyone to understand what you mean.

Remember Orwell's essay? I love that essay!

Well, I need to send off a couple faxes quickly.

Love,
A

[Friend2]

Now that's what I'm talking about!

[Friend R]

Well, darlin', if you knew the right verb, you wouldn't have to use an adverb at all.

/MFA_pedant

[EcamirG]

I really hope she said, "Not correctly."

Please, let her have said, "Not correctly."

Please please don't let that be Terrible Mother playing up the irony.

[Terrible Mother]

Oh, she said it. She said it. I nearly died.

[badfreak]

Brilliant! I'll revisit this entry often.

And you're not that petty. It’s not like you said, "I have had to go to the bathroom for half an hour now, and now I am making my way there... slowly."